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[12 Feb 2011|01:20am]
OH MY GOD. MONDAY. IS VALENTINES DAY. I HATE DOING VALENTINES DAY. WHAT DO YOU GET A GUY FOR VALENTINES DAY? WHY IS VALENTINES DAY ONLY TWO DAYS AWAY?!
GAAAH!
Kiss My Ass.

[26 Jan 2011|03:03am]
I'm having a really weird night. How many times have I said that before?
I feel completely awake when I should be exhausted. Also, I'm watching a Family Guy Star Wars Special...Very impersonal.
Anyway, I'm in this weird position where I'm trying, TRYING, to kind of. Change my perspective? And just GROW UP. Real fast. I don't need drama, and I'm trying incredibly hard to avoid it. I went on a study tour this past winter, with Paul, too =) And I had the time of my life. It kind of taught me a few lessons. I met some really AMAZING people, and I wouldn't give that experience up for anything. I needed it.
I feel like I'm in a kind of limbo, where I know where I want to be, and I've figured out certain goals, but I only half know how to get there. I'm on my way to finishing college this time. And this time, I'm OK with having extra credits and "wasting" some loan money on experiences alone. It'll be worth it. I'm sure of that now, that every penny (except maybe on housing and food!) was worth it.
Anyway, hopefully, I'll make my way to the end of this mess alive. Clearly I have other people to consider in my future. Especially Paul. My last post was expressive of mistrust and just general discomfort but...There are SO MANY REASONS I should be able to get over that. If there's ever been a man, a person, I trust, it's Paul.
We had this issue, where I started dating him while still with my ex-boyfriend. Y'know, that open-relationship kind of BS that high schoolers come up with. Well, Paul told me that all that crap, even sleeping with my ex during the transition, was in the past. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what kind of mess I was then, because now, I'm in a good place. The most difficult words I've ever had to swallow. And I'm still trying.
It came up during a game of kings, believe it or not. When they say Never Have I Ever Cheated, should I lower my finger? Because of the mess that was Me, Paul and Joe during the first few months? And Paul said, paraphrased, who gives a shit? Past is the past. I'm trying. Really hard. Because I'll never find this kind of love again (I really believe!)
I've got this kind of wanderlust and tattoo phase going on. I have ideas in my head that I can't possibly financially support. But I've never been more motivated. On a recent study tour, I met one of the best groups I've ever encountered in my life. Laid back and completely ready for anything, I had the time of my life. And I'm just glad I talked Paul in to going along with me. I know I've got plans for Winter 2011!!! Anyway, I'm in a kind of wordy-yet-senseless-mood. Idk where I'm going with this except. I'm in some kind of weird segway. Or at least I hope I am....
1 Will| Kiss My Ass.

[20 Dec 2010|12:27am]
I'm supposed to be writing a paper that is past due. And I mean PAST due. It's the only thing worrying me about my grades this semester, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I've read the material more than once. I have the ideas down. I just can't write it.
What is wrong with me?

I just went to the fridge, nabbed the Guinness I was saving for some baking, (don't worry, there are four more) and placed it next to me. I'm only having it when I finish this paper. And, damn am I thirsty. I deprived myself of alcohol for the semester as well, (with a few Wednesday night exceptions =3); turned down Friday and Saturday hang-out/semi-parties just so I wouldn't get sucked in to that vortex and take another semester off. That, and apparently I was the only one busy this past school year!

Once I get this paper done I get to bake. (And drink a beer) Shouldn't I have more motivation? I mean think of the [raspberry] fudge, banana choco chip cookies, mint choco chip cookies, cinnabun swirl cookies, apple pies, homemade rice krispy treats, and maybe even cake pops I'll be making! And the fat I'll be gaining. All worth it. (Just kidding, spreading the baked goods around to friends and family and such)

--------

I've decided I am way too insecure for relationships. I just can't handle them.
That kind of sucks because I really like the one I'm in; LOVE the one I'm in. But I feel like I'll never get over the crazy kind of jealous, insecure, always-suspicious attitude I have. It's a plague. It kills me. Seriously.
I'm not saying I'm leaving Paul, or have even thought about it. Because he is definitely the best thing to fall in to my life. But at the same time, seeing as he used to be kind of a whore-bag, the most unbearable thing.
You know, I hate everything down to his nickname that stemmed from some girl he was definitely comfortable enough with to want to sleep with, if he didn't to begin with. I never understood if his wish to be "friend-with-benefits" with her ever came through. But just the thought of, "Oh, I know her, he slept with her, Oh I know her, too: he told me they both used to really like eachtother," I can't deal with that. Anyone who knows me knows I can't take it. Serial-monogamer, remember?
I shouldn't know these things anyway. I'm already bothered by remembering who he DID sleep with.
Obviously, my other plaguing feature is knowing/needing to know everything that has ever happened, is happening, or will happen. I'm nosy and paranoid on top of all of those other things, and while I try to change, I feel like I never will.
To cap this off, I'm just not happy where I am, in life, in dealing with relationships, in the kind of feedback I get in relationships, even in friendships at the mo'.
I'm feeling like a back-burner type of person.

Holidays are supposed to be cheerful, but instead I feel like I'm on a downhill slope. It doesn't help that I'm surrounded by negative people.
2 Will| Kiss My Ass.

[16 Dec 2010|05:38pm]
Where did the last half hour go? The past few weeks? I have no idea. My last final is tomorrow, and then Saturday I'm dedicating to finishing a paper that's already late. I've been EXHAUSTED lately. I usually have trouble falling asleep in cars, but I was out like a light when Paul drove us from Braintree to Taunton today.
I'm nervous about my grades. I'm sure I won't fail anything, but these past few weeks I've been a train wreck. I've even left my studying for tomorrow until the last minute, and since he neglected to give us a study guide...

9 more days until Christmas though! And the week after I'll be on a plane with Paul (and a troop of nine other people) to a warm sunny place out in the Pacific!!! I'm hoping for surfing lessons.
I'm excited for Christmas. The crew is getting together Wednesday, I'll have time to bake, and hopefully I can get started on a dress...with no pattern. I've got a mesh of free patterns I've been trying to modify, but as soon as the school year hit, I haven't even read a book for fun...

Almost done with Christmas shopping, too! I even got a couple Christmas cards out this year, way too proud of myself for that. But I still have at least one person and no idea what to get them. Mainly my dad, but we're not even sure if he'll be able to come home Christmas day; I haven't heard about where he'll be staying once he gets out of the hospital either.

Ten minutes until I need to leave for work, and no where near ready.
Kiss My Ass.

[10 Nov 2010|09:31am]
DAMN.
So, last week I ended up in the same church for yet another funeral, almost a year to the date of last year. I was so sure I wasn't going to cry, until John (the husband) walked in the room and looked at the casket (of his wife) with the most haunting, saddening look I can recall ever seeing.
It's always when the family speaks I get teary. I always feel like the ministers talk is impersonal, but there's a struggle where they talk about how the deceased attended the parish at some point in their life, blah blah blah.
I hate it. Makes me not want a funeral.

This year isn't getting any easier. I don't know what I was thinking, really hoping it would. The amount of papers I have to do is only growing, and as usual, my motivation is sinking fast. I actually started to read Saiyuki again...in the midst of all of this work that's piling up.
(Hell, I'm posting on LJ when I could be studying maps. Again.)
I think I'll finish the semester decently anyway, but not before stressing my brains out first. Tomorrow I've got a whole day off to relax, hang out with some friends, finally go ice skating? Etc. (Note: I could work on school work tomorrow, too, but I'd rather take a few hours off to hang out with my "sis" <3)
Tonight is dinner with the family. FOR MY BIRTHDAY. What. A few months too late, and a couple of cancellations, but free drinks, who cares. And Wednesday hang out is still a go because with no school tomorrow, we can stay up late! I feel like a grade schooler, excited I can stay up past my bedtime.

If there's one thing I REALLY can't wait for, it's the Christmas season to officially begin. Usually Christmas music and mall decorations kind of signify the start to me, but with school, I feel like Christmas is coming later than usual this year.
I'm putting socks on my list for the first time ever. You know I'm getting desperate when I start asking for socks.

I've been waking up to really weird dreams lately. I can't properly sleep in anymore, because I almost always wake up around 730, even if it's only for a few minutes. Once that happens though, it's weird dream after weird dream. Yesterday, when I decided to catch up on some sleep and SKIP CLASS (three day headache? I think I needed to...Sinuses are killing me...) I woke up to dreams about the class I was skipping.
Today's was even weirder; it had to do with running around this weird housing complex at night, in and out of the houses, and at the end I ended up confronted with someone I haven't spoken with; we had an awkward conversation, and she put on Harry Potter, on a bootleg VHS, even though it had just come out that day (in dream land, anyway. The movie isn't even out yet! And VHS? What?). Haha, what, am I stressing about Harry Potter now, too? (We decided not to do a midnight release because it's on a school night. Seeing it on Sunday with a decidedly cool group of people =D)
I was hoping I'd remember more details from my dreams, anyway.

Also, Hawaii this winter? I am stoked!

Did I really just spend a half our writing this crap?
Kiss My Ass.

[31 Oct 2010|06:16pm]
What I should be doing and what I am doing are completely different things right now. I have today and tomorrow to write a 6+ page term paper and I just can't get in to it.
Maybe I'll take a shower and use my handy shower crayons to draw up an outline--then I'll feel motivated?


I like that: Bridgewater posted Spring semester courses!
I do not like that: the ones I need either overlap or aren't available!
I like that: I'm getting a consistent 30 hours at work!
I do not like that: It's almost unbearable with school work!

I have two 10-15 page papers due at the end of the semester. A month and a half away--plently of time, right?
I don't have the material for either. I don't have definite outlines for either. I don't have the time I need to do an interview of a woman in Hyannis for one of them. Ugh.
Stress stress stress.

Also: My car got egged.
Half of the trick-or-treaters coming to my house don't have costumes on. I'm not handing out candy--letting dad do it.

On the brighter side of things...if all goes well, I will be going to Hawaii this Winter! With Paul<3 For school =(
Still. HAWAII!
Fingers crossed?
Kiss My Ass.

[23 Oct 2010|12:37pm]
Why is all of the tea stale?
Kiss My Ass.

[17 Oct 2010|11:29am]
I'm in a really shitty, all-my-friends-suck mood. That's not very nice.
I'm getting really tired of being the only one to try and make plans. And its come down to seeing a few friends on Wednesday. And even then, that's the only day I hear from them. Not even a text all week long unless it's to ask if we're hanging out on Wednesday.
At least Joff gives me the opportunity to tell him to his face he's been a shitty friend. I'm always hearing about how he makes so much time for girl-that-he-likes-and-she-so-knows-it-but-doesn't-want-him-back, and then only seeing him at work. BS.
I even have friends I try to keep in touch with that don't care enough to even send an e-mail back. (Ohh, I'm so busy! So busy I can't talk to you, just my other friends!)
Scratch that, I guess I'm just feeling like I don't really have friends...
I was approached by an ex-friend awhile ago; for the longest time I've been thinking about what I miss and what I could really live with out (in regards to that relationship). My last yes-man changed his opinion and told me I should just let it go. I'm thinking I was wrong to take advice from anyone else, because that was a friend who actually did call me in the middle of the week, actually want to hang out and do something stupid for even an hour. It's in my emo-go-cry moments when I REALLY think about what I'm missing.

So, we'll just throw this on the problems I've already created for myself out of stress. I can't even hold a relationship together right now, which could explain why all of my "friends" hate me. No one like in-school-laur cous that's essentially bitch-laur.

Just needed somewhere to vent...
Time to go cry in to my oatmeal before work.
Kiss My Ass.

[11 Oct 2010|12:34pm]
I have a perfectly good reason for not getting any homework done (as of yet) this long weekend (aside from work); These.
I started them yesterday and finished this morning. I kind of cheated, skipped the button holes, and went with elastic around the legs, too, but this was my test run.
And I actually had tons of fun making these! (As opposed to when I start a project and get fed up with it quickly).
I have a feeling they're going to shrink in the wash; kind of a shame as the size small pattern JUST fit--(I'd probably have to make the hem a bit higher next time to accommodate my sizable ass)--but I think I'll just make them a size larger next time to make up for the potential shrinkage. I hate pre-washing fabric...
Anyway, cheap, cute, and quick project. I have a feeling I'm going to lose future weekends to a pair or two more of these.

I'm having a good weekend anyway. I can feel the mental breakdown creeping up (for waiting 'til the last minute on all of this homework!)
I had a moment when I realized I always pick the most mellow and possibly depressing movies (Last night's was It's Kind of a Funny Story, to go along with my favorites Lost in Translation, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), but it was a good moment. I used to watch these movies alone because no one else really liked them (at least in my closer friends circle) but now I've got Paul. Paul doesn't hate them; he usually wants to watch them again with me!
I don't know, it was a really nice thought--I love that I have someone I can share with, not just spend time with but have completely different interests.

Busy week ahead anyway; finishing up a few papers and projects, trip to Boston for the MFA Wednesday, a TOOOONNN of reading (that I am nowhere near interested in. Fukuzawa was OK, this Cherry Blossoms and Nationalisms crap? MOST BORING TEXT EVER.) I should probably get started on some of that...
Kiss My Ass.

[30 Sep 2010|09:58am]
I only have one class today. I don't even see the point in going in.
Pros in skipping; More time for other schoolwork I'm more stressed about
Actually having a lax day for once.
Professor isn't too hard on missing class
It's the first get-up-in-front-of-the-class-and-talk day

Cons on skipping; It's skipping
I've already missed two classes.
It's the only class I've missed classes in--why miss more!
It's the first get-up-in-front-of-the-class-and-talk day

It's either I go in to Bridgewater with Paul anyway, or skip entirely, save myself a drive for the day, and head home to get some things done before work. And just write up a summary of the chapter so he knows I read it. Which is like a five minute ordeal.
I just don't know.

I made some time for myself to just sit back and do nothing but stumble, because I've been doing nothing but school shenanigans. (Except on Wednesdays because Wednesday is always hang out with buddy and lax Wednesday evening)It felt good =)
Then the stress came back and I realized I could be reading one of the gazillion chapters I have assigned for this semester!!
Still, I spent some time working on a few sewing projects the other day. I get cranky with sewing really quickly--I figured an hour at a time or so would keep me from getting impatient and screwing things up so I have to undo seams for an hour anyway.
I actually got some baking in. Mum's birthday, how could I not! Another experiment in cake balls. I hate working with white chocolate. NEVER AGAIN!

A lot of thinking lately, in my dozing time. It seems I'm escaping stress with more stress. I have a few issues I've pushed to the side, not really dealt with, and I'm kind of liking it that way--but I'm starting to really hate having that nagging feeling in the back of my mind.
I'm back to another pro and con list I guess.

It hits me more and more that I've lost a lot when I go to bake a friggin' cake, and I can't get a friend to lift a finger and help.
Or when I'm actually seriously looking in to a study tour, and I can't find a companion to go with me. Not even my own boyfriend!

This is a helluva time right now!
I'm not even dressed for the day. If I decide to go to class, I have to leave in fifteen minutes. Where are my pants?
Kiss My Ass.

[18 Sep 2010|08:55pm]
The wedding. Was. EXCELLENT!
I had so much fun! I was a little bummed to be seated at the head table just because I was further away from all of my cousins, but it made for a lot of fun across-the-floor lip-syncing and hand gesturing. Mainly between Stac and I =)
Tons of singing and dancing, with Paul, with Stac and Di, with Jen, Michelle, Annie, just dancing! Fuck, I love family! <3
And open bars <3
Josh and Jess did the chair dance, and everyone joined hands and danced around them in typical Jewish fashion. So much for it being completely un-religious! But they picked the fun things =)
And the breaking of the glass was a piece of the ceremony I'm really glad they kept in.
Everything was short, sweet, and straight to the point during the wedding--and I really like that they had a friend do JP for a day. I think it meant more than any random Justice or minister. Whatever. I liked it. I'm babbling.

Then reality hit, and I was back in school, and I had my first mental breakdown of the year. Losing the weekend to the wedding, though COMPLETELY worth it, pushed me back in some school work. I did well enough to keep up in everything but ONE CLASS. And I guess I picked the right one, because Dr. To gave me a few extensions in exchange for me not withdrawing.

Still trying to catch up and stay on top of things, which will be difficult as I'm back up to 30+ hours at work between Bakery and Grocery. NO idea what brought that about.

I finally got my birth month flower back of the leg tattoo. I'm going back for one more on my arm/shoulder area because AMANDA AT BROCKTON INK IS AMAZING, and apparently filigree is her thing. Which works because I'm getting a Victorian Silhouette, and I want a filigree type "frame."

Paul's new hobby is couponing which is bound to save us tons of money. He's loving it; I've never seen someone so giddy about getting a 30$ order for a dollar and change (varying and give-or-take)
Joff is happy, too, as he's poor enough to have trouble affording rent at his new Bridgewater Apt, nevermind food!

Andrew may or may not be moving out soon, depending on whether his dad gets transferred with his job. How does this affect me? If his family moves, he's getting an apartment and staying in the area. Paul and I will FINALLY be moving out, and moving in with him. We've been talking about moving out for a looong time but can't afford it on our own.
We'll see.

So, back from my distraction, finishing up the first half of my homework, and maybe having a drink or two at Joff's. Just to watch him get plastered =)
Kiss My Ass.

[03 Sep 2010|10:54pm]
Trying to stay positive is hard.
Especially when life likes to take a dump on you when things are going slightly better.
Speaking of better, the father figure hasn't been getting there at all really. Today he bought an ipod even though it's a complete waste of money seeing as he has a working MP3 player and has no job.
Today he returned home not to help with the two loads of dishes, three piles of laundry and various things around the house that desperately need to be cleaned before the wedding, but instead grilled in the pouring rain, watched two movies, and then drank and told my mum he felt out of it because of the meds. Not because he had spent at least an hour drinking from his secret vodka stash.
And mum is being pussy about the whole thing.
Friggin christ am I glad he's getting an order from a Doctor right back in to a hospital after the wedding. Mum's been too soft and didn't want to deal with insurance even though 5 day stints haven't done a damn thing. Apparently it hasn't been that serious to her over the past 9-ish months. I guess a DUI or two and a totaled car don't register under OBVIOUSLY NEEDS HELP in her book.

Shaw's just screwed me over for the millionth time. Working both Bakery and Grocery had solved the insufficient hour problem for most of the summer, but with school thrown in the mix and more than enough dick moves from the company, I'm back to a mere 15 hours this week. Seeing as not all of my availability has been utilized, I have a feeling it's going to stay this way.

These were ultimately the two events that just broke my back today, and created a mental breakdown at work. Life has just been too busy lately to want to deal with all of the family and work drama that's been cropping up.

I guess I could utilize the time off and get ahead with my school work...
2 Will| Kiss My Ass.

[02 Sep 2010|05:47pm]
One week until the rehearsal dinner and then, WEDDING. Holy crap, this is coming up fast.

School came up just as quickly. The last trip down the Cape was a BLAST! We fit ten people in this crazy house (plus a few visitors!), no snags (for the most part!), and Lisa and I got birthday cakes =)
Fireworks (if we can even call them that) on the beach, the BEST french toast bagels, a few crazy nights of Asshole and drinks, and a fun fucking group. I couldn't have hoped for better.
The stove was an obstacle though--completely manual gas stove. Not as difficult to use as we made it out to be.
And Chrissy and I should never be allowed to collectively light a charcoal grill.

Ended the summer with a trip to Providence Place with a small sample of the crew; a lot of mall time with Chrissy and Frederick was had (as well as a few harrowing games of air hockey), buuuut getting in later than expected (after midnight) was definitely not the smartest before a 630am wake-up.

I made it through my first day back at Bridgewater State College University. I'm more than excited to be going to college with Paul and a good group of friends that will keep me there. It's nice to know I can crash at Carl and Joff's apartment whenever I need a good nap =) A few hiccups that threw me off throughout the day, but I think I'll be showing up this year...

We're all still busy with last minute wedding things (though not nearly as busy as Jess!)
And that tattoo appointment is on the horizon!
Hopefully dear dad is finally on the mend for good this time, and things will get a little easier to handle.
(I probably shouldn't be thinking of Christmas gifts already with all this mess!)

Until then, back to work!
5 Will| Kiss My Ass.

[03 Aug 2010|12:25am]
One Cape week down. I'm always depressed by family vacations.
It's harder to get used to the idea of going back to work with only a week and a half until the next vacation. Should I even unpack?

I feel weird about this year's August trip. I'm starting to wish I wasn't spending a week in a house with ten people. I'm in this weird mood where being around people is making me cranky. Or at least more than usual.
I have enough hanging over my head from LAST August...

We finally found a car for me, so Dad gets his old, chunky Taurus back. And I've FINALLY returned to a nice compact car. =) Now I'm in a mad rush to fix all of it's quirks. It's got this funk smell that not even some hard-core scrubbing got rid of--but the drive is WORTH IIIT.

On the bright side, I get a hiatus in the middle of this week and next--Bikini party Saturday. I think the doubts about wearing a bikini to a late-night party will be outweighed by the copious amount of drinking.

I've been getting ready for bed by 1030 for so many days now, that being up at 1230, not even in PJs is killing me. I think it's time to call it a night.
Kiss My Ass.

[05 Jul 2010|11:40am]
Oh loooord,
and I thought my life would magically become slightly more manageable with summer classes finished.
NOT A CHANCE. The list of things to do just keeps growing!
On the bright side, after a semester off, those summer courses really helped in starting to push my GPA back up there! Bridgewater is much more bearable in the summer with a low volume of students to jostle around.
In any case, my list of errands runs a mile long at this point, anything from LOOKING FOR A NEW CAR UGH to getting my license renewed, mowing the lawn in 90 DEGREE WEATHER, acting as mover to the now sold Cape house, doing housekeeping on Saturdays for rental changeovers. Busy, busy. A lot of driving time involved. On top of that, my work day just extended from the usual nights only to day time hours with bakery!! Or the "Shaw's Reheatery" =3
And yet, I'm still managing to have a little bit of a life, at the cost of my sanity in any case. No one else was in the theater for Toy Story 3 at midnight, and I could've passed out on the ride home, but WELL WORTH IT.
Fair Tuesday!! <3 I haven't gone in a few years, and I actually have a group who will GO ON RIDES WITH ME. No more lonely Ring of Fire rides.
Two week long vacations lined up down the Cape, for both July and August. Both will be crowded as hell! Ritter week comes at the end of July, and a group of us, 9 and counting, have managed to rent a place right near Harwichport in August!

It's a jam-packed schedule, but I'm happy with it, even when I complain how tired I get. A good number of the days I'm just happy to get out of the house. Or Houses, and I live between here and Anawan St.
Don't exactly have the budget to move out yet (but that doesn't mean we're not looking!)

Anyway, the rest of the summer is looking more promising than the drama I didn't need that's colored the past few months. Like dear dad totaling his car under some peculiar circumstances. And the complete MESS that was(is?) dealing with the sale of the Cape house +family. Or an apparent "misunderstanding" within the crew. Or some old ghosts popping back up, really pushing me to think about where I stand. There have been a number of decisions I'm just stuck on. I've found that just ignoring it has worked for awhile; my favorite excuse was "I'm in school! I can't deal with this shit right now!" But now I'm not. Apparently, I'm just blatantly ignoring the issues.

Well, this post is a mess. I guess that's what I get for not posting in a number of months.
The temperature rose about five degrees since I've started typing this. I almost feel like mowing would be a DISASTROUS idea. Work today and I have an entire day off to look forward to tomorrow. Fairgrounds with Paul<3, Chrissy, Frederick, Andrew, and then some? After, of course, a list of errands including Bridgewater, RMV, Doctor's office, etc =)
1 Will| Kiss My Ass.

[19 May 2010|01:14pm]
What have I been doing? I've tried to post so many times over the past few months, but everything has been one big jumble of messes. After some plans fell through, I took the semester off from school. I've spent so much time talking about it with various people I really feel like saying anything else would be overkill; it was some much needed time though--I've kind of found the motivation to finish up at BSC for the mo'. We'll see how that goes. I'm taking two courses during summer session one, taking my summer vacation filled with the Cape, wedding things, and hopefully good times, then I'm returning to BSC in the fall as a full time student...I'm currently registered for 6 classes, but the ones I have and how many might change. I'm waiting on--
PAUL! Because he decided to keep pushing forward and get a Graduate Degree, instead of just an Associate's. It'll be good to have a few fantastic people on campus that will actually make me want to be there. At least that's the theory.

I've also become pretty obsessed with baking, Wedding plans, and future interior design, though I'll admit wedding things are certainly on the mind. I was signing up for some contests on bridal sites, hoping to win something for Jess and Josh, when one of them sent me a free magazine. And another one. And then another one. And now all I want to do is plan a wedding! Not only do I enjoy it, but starting REALLY early will take off some of the stress when I'm actually engaged--that won't be for a few years though =)
For my own wedding I would LOVE to make my own dress and cake(s). I've got an idea for the dress. I'm thinking I'll have to learn to draft my own pattern if I can't find one I like to mod. But I've got everything I need to start baking and I've got a freezer that's starting to fill up with cakes and cupcakes I haven't frosted (or eaten) yet. I've definitely got enough to share.
I started to cook through all of the cupcakes here. Number 33 was just put up and I am DYING to make that one. But I also spent an entire day on Martha Stewart just perusing cake recipes, frosting recipes, cupcake ideas, etc. I need to find out what to do with all of the ones I make without eating them all myself!
I'm finally being trained in Bakery at Shaw's as well. Hopefully I'll be able to start on cakes and cremes soon--cake decorating!!!
I'll probably end up blogging a little about that...so I can keep track of which recipes I liked/disliked/changed/etc without scribbling all over every recipe

<3
Kiss My Ass.

[20 Jan 2010|05:09pm]
Already tired of classes and school. I'm only taking two classes this semester. If my loan doesn't go through, I'm considering dropping Bridgewater entirely because I don't see it helping at all with any future path I take, and it sure as hell won't help with Nursing.
UAP appeal is in for the loan to begin with. Withdrawing from classes has finally caught up with me.
My degree audit also changed. I think this is more of a motivator to get out of BSC. It could be a mistake in the system they're trying so hard to upgrade. But they've applied a more recent curriculum to my audit and none of my courses are coming up as covered. I had finished all of my core, with the exception of one writing intensive; now there are an additional five sections on the audit, all listing core requirements I already fulfilled, all with a giant red NO next to them. This school will kill me.

I'm considerably tired of politics as well. No one is happy. No one will be happy. Everyone expects magic. No one is happy with the small changes that have taken place. No one is trying very hard to enact change on their own. Politics seem to just give everyone something ELSE to complain about right now.
With the Senate election, I'm hearing too much of "I voted for the lesser of two evils." I've heard voting based on one view alone (IE 'I want my guns and that bitch is going to take them away from me!'), voting based on the children of the candidates, which sports team they're affiliated with.
Kudos to anyone who actually paid attention to the issues and the campaigns, not what kind of car they drive.

I'm also very tired of my car. If I could afford a bike, maybe I would invest, but the next car on the list is also a freebie. The list of problems with my Taurus is growing--The brake lights now stick. Fantastic.

Time to send some more e-mails, write some things, go to work, and be busy. Fuck my life.

Bright side? New York was amazing. I love my boyfriend. I can't wait to go back. Too bad vacations have to end.
2 Will| Kiss My Ass.

[29 Dec 2009|11:47pm]
lolok but it's still funny.
Kiss My Ass.

[29 Dec 2009|11:41pm]
Watching Flight of the Conchords alone is lonely
Kiss My Ass.

[28 Dec 2009|05:18pm]
Grades are out, Christmas is over, and only a few more financial burdens until I get serious with my money. I actually have a New Years resolution this year--it should probably be "make this year better than the last," but I'm sticking with save. Save furiously.
Picking up as many extra hours at work before the post-holiday "let's conserve hours to expand bonuses" BS kicks in. I'm currently taking some time to breathe in between a double. (LOL I work at Shaw's, why does it seem so stressful?) Good news on Shaw's, there's a really good chance I'll finally be cross trained for Bakery! (Cakes and cremes, baby!)
Boston on the 31st; Paul's Christmas present just happened to fall on that day, so along with Jess, Josh, and some of his crew (Dylan, Mike, Casey), we're ringing in the New Year with Dane Cook. OH GOD, I bought those tickets as Paul's Christmas present what seems like AGES ago, and Jess and Josh almost gave it away during the post-funeral dinner in November!
New York soon after--New Year's Day doesn't seem like it will work out, but January 10th-14th, Fucking NYC!
And after all this mess, I'm getting rid of that ominous credit card balance and funneling money in to savings. With the exception of a few hundred dollars for a tattoo =) (Gift money saved aside! Excuse, excuse!)

Christmas this year was tiring. Good, but tiring. It was the first year I didn't spend the entire day at my house, and the first year spending some of it with someone else's family. Christmas morning, Paul and I left his mum's house early to come back to mine. After presents with mum, dad, nana, Josh and Jess, we dropped by his dad's house, and then moved on to his mum's for his dinner with his mum, brother and sister. Then back to my house for dinner with the same morning crew.
Good haul, though, haha.

Grades are getting back up there, too. My hiccup was the C in Personal Finance for missing two forum posts (oh, god they were ridiculous!) and a lengthy project worth 10% of my grade, but that GPA will get back up there. Slowly. But I'm working on it. Staying at BSC this next semester because I haven't finished my nursing school application essay. And because it'll finish up my minor at least =3

And the year is quickly coming to an end. I feel like I've focused too much on all of the horrible things that have happened this year. There are a lot of things I should have done differently, but shoulda, woulda, coulda... Someone told me today to cut my losses and just do what I need. Best advice always comes from Shaw's <3

So, here's to being more positive in 2010, a little more understanding, a tii-iny bit more outgoing, and a helluva lot less tired!

Also, my cursor has an animated cat next to it...Oh, mum...
Kiss My Ass.

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